The idea of a leading is that it’s Spirit led and becomes something “You can’t not do.” Some 25 years ago, three Friends in New Haven Meeting (myself included) were led to start a Friends’ school. The idea was to give back to the neighborhood where our meetinghouse is situated. In the course of these 25 years, we were often challenged and led in directions we’d not anticipated. Throughout this time, and especially in the formative years, we were led, encouraged, and comforted by Spirit, but there were also times when we wavered, felt abandoned, and considered laying down the leading. Miraculously, we did not. Instead, the seed we planted and nourished in Spirit became a tender sapling that’s grown into a robust tree bearing a bumper harvest of Quakerly fruit.
This tree has a formal sounding name—Friends Center for Children. This story is about how we got from three Spirit-led people meeting in the lower level of the meetinghouse to an early childhood education center, deeply grounded in Quaker values, which, when current expansions are completed, will serve 224 children in 4 locations. Its innovative teacher housing program and emotional wellbeing curriculum have attracted national attention. This story focuses on a few key moments in the formative years when our leading was tested, and where careful listening to the Spirit led us in the right direction.
Early on we, in concert with the Meeting, put considerable effort into discernment around whether the school should be organized “under the care of the Meeting” (a traditional choice for Quaker schools), or chart a more independent course. We had many conversations among ourselves, with individuals within the Meeting, and with existing Friends schools. After careful listening, we concluded that when it came to governance it was best to be independent from the Meeting. On the other hand, we were very clear that we and the school needed to have a spiritual connection to the Meeting. Thus, we were led to establish a Spiritual Care Committee—which proved prescient at a later date. Importantly, our choice for the school to be non-sectarian, but deeply grounded in Quaker faith and practice, gave us the opportunity to tap governmental and philanthropic resources that wouldn’t have been available to a sectarian school. Some have criticized us for this choice, but I feel this is where Spirit led us. We’d never have been able to access the resources needed to provide high-quality Quaker-based early childhood education to so many families.
In the formative years, Spirit led us to a remarkable change of plans. Our original goal was to establish a K-through-8 school. As we explored this idea in conversations with community leaders, local education experts and others we were told in no uncertain terms, “New Haven doesn’t need another private school. What’s really needed is high-quality early childhood care and education, especially for infants and toddlers.” We were also told that infant care, where there was the greatest need, was financially impossible given state requirements and something we probably shouldn’t attempt. We could have continued to pursue our K–8 leading. After all, that was our leading. However, after deep Spirit led discernment and with some trepidation, we shifted our goal to early childhood education, including infant care. Our original impetus was to give back to the neighborhood in which our meetinghouse is situated, and early care and education was what was needed, so that’s what we would do. Around this time we began thinking about how this whole enterprise might be financed, and came to the conclusion that a sliding tuition scale where full pay slots would subsidize other slots might work. Friends Center continues to have a sliding tuition scale and, more importantly, has a non-majoritarian admissions policy so that the student body reflects New Haven’s diversity. We were also determined to have a cooperative component which still exists today.
Over this time period a number of other New Haven Friends joined us and put in long hours working on incorporation, understanding and meeting state requirements, raising funds, identifying a location, and so much more. The leading was gaining some momentum. Finding a suitable location was extremely difficult. Ultimately, we negotiated with the Meeting to house Friends Center for Children in the social and First Day School space in the lower level of the meetinghouse, with capacity for 18 children. One could say that this negotiation was difficult and feelings were high. Yet, Spirit was present. Our leading was acknowledged and Meeting took a leap of faith by opening this space to us.
We felt we were on our way—we had a space, hired a director and staff and admitted our first cohort. Job done, leading realized—but not exactly. My recollection is that at the end of our first year or thereabouts we fell into a crisis. The director was inadequate to the task and needed to be removed. Much of the staff left with her. We were fortunate to have two members of New Haven Meeting step into key roles—one was a certified educator who became the education director and the other, with significant non-profit administrative experience, took on that task. Their willingness to temporarily take these positions saved Friends Center and, I believe, spoke to the strength of the leading.
This was by design a temporary fix, as neither was interested in pursuing these positions long term. My recollection is that when the education director decided she didn’t want to continue, we began to consider the possibility that Friends Center wasn’t a viable enterprise. We had staffing and financial issues which seemed to some to be insurmountable. It felt like we were being asked to start all over. It was at this juncture that I feel a Quaker miracle occurred.
We were not in unity. We reached out to our Spiritual Care Committee for clearness and guidance regarding our path forward. In the clearness session feelings were strongly, deeply, and honestly expressed. I don’t think any of us left that session with a sense of unity. I think we were all feeling pretty dispirited. The Spiritual Care Committee promised they would converse among themselves and come back to us in a subsequent meeting. After a few weeks we met with them. I, for one, anticipated that they would have a long and detailed set of observations and recommendations for us. Instead, they came with a simple three word query, “Is love present?”
A lightning bolt of clarity came over us. I honestly don’t remember any details of the ensuing conversation. What I do recall is that unity was achieved, love was reinstated, sleeves were rolled up and plans were hatched. We were not going to lay down what we had worked so hard to achieve. Spirit was with us. I’ve called upon this simple query in my mind and heart for all the years since.
In moving forward we hired a new director, who’s stayed with us now for over 15 years. Under her extraordinary leadership, Friends Center for Children has grown exponentially. The first building was built on the grounds of New Haven Meeting where, for the second time, the Meeting stepped forward in a generous way to honor our leading. Since that time, it’s become a major provider of early childhood education and care in New Haven at multiple locations. But that’s not the whole story. It has received national recognition for its emotional wellbeing curriculum and for its teacher housing program, wherein teachers in need are provided free housing—the equivalent of a huge salary boost. It is also a key advocate at the state level and has substantially changed the early childhood education and care landscape in Connecticut.
What’s most important to me is that this has all been accomplished while maintaining a strong Quaker ethos in day-to-day operations—both pedagogically and administratively. And it has a strong Quaker face in the community. While non-sectarian, the Center has two important all-Quaker committees, which to some degree carry on the intent of the early Spiritual Care Committee. The Quaker Dimensions Committee educates the board on all matters Quaker, and the Quaker Advisory Council works with the director (now holding the title of CEO) to bring Quakerly insight to key decisions and concerns. I haven’t written much about how Friends Center for Children embodies the Quaker ethos and testimonies in all that it does and its many other initiatives, as I wanted to concentrate on the leading and where it took me and my fellow travelers. Remarkably, the three Friends in whom the seed of the leading was originally planted and others who joined in the very early days are still actively involved these 25 years later.