Dear Friends,
It was routine sibling banter in the middle of a family Zoom the other night—nothing brilliant or amazingly articulate. But as I watched them, I was suddenly awash in how much I loved them and how unbelievably grateful I was to be their mom. This pure love and thanks was followed very quickly by the thought of how much I missed them—shifting that moment of holiness to one of longing and grief. But first, there was that moment.
That moment was like the flashes of grace I’ve had on a meetinghouse bench during worship, felt singing on Saturday night at a JYM Retreat, or known while scrunched on a couch with my kids in the glow of Christmas lights. It was one of those blips when my heart and eyes are cleared, and I catch a glimpse of the pure Light.
In the past nine months of oh-so-much Quaker Zooming, there have been other moments, of course. But they haven’t been the leg-shaking, heart-racing variety I experienced back when we could gather in person. Instead of grounding myself in gratitude for any holy flashes that could remind me of the Eternal Light, I’ve too often let myself fall straight into grief and a greedy longing for how I used to experience that of God when we were in person.
I have been trying to have the same experiences of the Divine while using screens and technology that I used to have in person. It hasn’t been terribly satisfying. Being stuck in grief has frequently blinded me to new glimpses of the Light. Much has been lost—but there is an invitation here for me to pay more attention, listen harder, be more fully present where I am.
I’m trying to remember this as we head into the 6 weeks of the year that hold more traditions, memories, and expectations than all of the other 46 combined. There is much to grieve, and many who are awash in sorrow. “Getting through” is enough of a goal and mantra for the broken-hearted. For others, there is an invitation to move from grief to providing comfort, reaching for hope, listening for unexpected moments of grace in unlikely places, and acting in ways that increase the Light and the arc of justice while also looking for moments of Light to feed us all. The shortest amounts of daylight in the year might provide more of a contrast for catching and being those glimpses of the Divine—that may or may not look like what we've previously seen.
Let me know what you see.
With so much love to you,
Gretchen