Is God in middle school? Yes, but you have to practice looking for him sometimes.
Last week I watched an old movie from my mom’s childhood, The Breakfast Club. Seeing the stereotypes assigned to each person in the movie, and seeing how they all didn't talk to each other reminded me of my middle school experience today. Today middle schoolers put people into groups and decide whether or not they like a person based on their stereotype and friend group. Sometimes this just means funny looks, but sometimes it means fights at recess.
Being part of my Quaker community helps me navigate this complicated time of my life. My Junior High Yearly Meeting community helps me to not judge people when I first meet them. In JHYM, during opening circle, we go around and share our names and pronouns (if we are comfortable doing that). Based on our retreat theme, we have a question to help us get to know each other. Through doing that, it’s easier to find people with the same interests as you, even if they might look like they are not like you on the outside. It helps you see their inside personality better. Throughout the retreats, since it is an accepting place where you can learn and make mistakes, it's easier to talk to people. If you make a mistake, they understand that you are still learning and it’s ok. This then helps make a closer community where people feel accepted and safe to be who they are. I feel very grateful to have been part of this community since late elementary school.
During retreats, we all are in a safe space, but when we go home is when things can get difficult. In my school I meet in “Morning Group,” a bunch of kids who hang out and talk in the guidance office. The kids there have all gone through trying to find their true selves, and often have questions about their sexuality or gender identity. In Morning Group the kids use all different types of pronouns, and sometimes different names than they were given at birth. But once we get into the classroom, they might abandon the name that they feel most connected to, and their preferred pronouns, mostly in fear of not being accepted and bullied.
Being a Quaker, which reminds me to see that of God in everyone, helps me get along with these people and become close to them. I want to make sure I always use the name and pronouns they feel is right for them. I respect them not wanting to tell peers and teachers about this because they are still questioning. But when we are talking among ourselves we always use their preferred names and pronouns to support them in their journey of finding confidence in their true selves.
I feel like I most often am in the “helper” role in my school community. I am here to talk about what they are going through, and help them find the people and resources and information they need to help further be themselves. For example, if someone is being oppressed by other peers I can help by having them talk to me so that they are not carrying this all alone. I also can help them find the best way to stop the micro-aggressions that occur all the time.
Another part of my Quaker “life” is serving on New England Yearly Meeting’s “Noticing Patterns of Oppression and Faithfulness Working Group.” That group helps me to better recognize the ways my classmates are bullied or made to feel like they don’t fit in, and gives me more tools to help stop oppression directly or indirectly in my school. I also learn more about what I am seeing in my own life, and ways I might change and be more open and understanding to others. I wish I could talk about these issues more in my public school sometimes, but I'm grateful to be given a place to learn these skills from Quakers.
I’m only in the eighth grade, and I have a lot of information but also still have lots to learn. Making a difference takes a long time. We have to have the courage to go against the culture of middle school—it can be pretty awful at times. I hope that reading this essay lets kids know that they are not the only ones that are facing challenges in their school. I’m glad I reached out to my Quaker community for help and learning how to be helpful and supportive of others in my middle school.